fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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