I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
