Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
