there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just blew my weed a kiss
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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