there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
