if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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