They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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