no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
