bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Randomize
