i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Randomize
