At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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