so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
