don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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