fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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