If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
