There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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