Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
