I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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