smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
