I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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