It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
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