12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
