i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We left an ass print on the piano.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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