My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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