Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
