i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
