drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
