and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
