just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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