I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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