dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
