Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
