Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
