From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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