so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
