i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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