put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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