Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
