Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
