The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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