My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
