I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
