Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
