Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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