yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
