I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
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