You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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