My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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