I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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