she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
