do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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