i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
